Now that the annual Spring "emerging of the bodies" has begun, how about some tips on how to avoid the wrong mate? First off, smell like yourself! Bet you either forgot or have rarely met your own scent. If you’re like most people, you’re so fixated on making sure no raw smell emerges far enough to reach others, that you’ve practically sealed off your supposed pores. Colognes, soaps, lotions, deodorants, sunscreen, make-up, oh my.
For those who are mated, it’s one of those truths we overlook because it’s too painful, too inconvenient or related to decisions that are seemingly impossible to rewind. One of the leading causes of suffering and sickness is trouble in paradise, i.e. unsuitable coupling. And there’s A LOT of competition for what is making us mentally and physically sick in today’s world. Without getting into the plethora of fingers we could point about bad relationship choices (at least nine others for most of us), we can’t smell each other!!!
You might already be shrinking in disgust at the idea of getting a better whiff of reality (especially we who suffer the close quarters of urban metro systems). But strike the aromas of drunk strangers and over-medicated wierdos out of your senses; and with a simple mental flash to your highest seduction experience – you’ve got to admit pheronomes are sexy. If we could follow our nose to those of our liking and keep away from those we are replused by; dating might not feel like such a crap shoot.
MIghtn’t it be nice to consistently find harmony in relations? Do you really think there’s any justification for having stressful relationships and consistent breakdowns in communication? To being stuck with a spouse or partner for any days past their expiration date? I stand by my hypothesis. Had you given him or her a good sniff beforehand, and felt nothing, or nothing good at least; you could have saved your time.
Some say we’re looking for someone with whom to work out karma, unconscious issues, and downright blatant neuroses. Okay… But I don’t believe that notion really lights up any of us. It’s cute to say that fighting is “working out our shit” and we’re learning so much through our “mirrors.” But I’m sorry to say this is despair dressed up as hope – in order to justify settling for the dregs of “what we can find.” Sure, we should stop looking for updated versions of the ex we never could work it out with or our parental figure. Avoid narcissists, psychopaths, gold-diggers, etc. The list is endless.
But one unassailable fact is that our sniffers are broken and confused by red herrings. For now, let's jump the burden of addressing overall desensitization and stick to the stimulus itself.
Unfortunately we’ve been trained to believe that we should follow our nose towards perfumes and deodorants – rather than the scents naturally emitted from beings and matter. But this is just habituation; ask any lab rat. Or Pepe la Pew for that matter, whose plan to woo his dream pussy by covering up his true scent always collapsed.
“But I love the smell of his cologne or her shampoo…” Pairing up with a person who likes the same artificial scents is not a great basis on which to build a life. It’s “something,” but nothing like going towards he or she whose internal essence conjures raw attraction.
The skin is our largest organ and defined by its functions of both protecting and absorbing. If it were not absorbent, you’d be a scaly mess. And many of us are, simply due to constantly filling our pores, which should be “breathing,” with soaps and lotions. The funny thing about the makings of lotion is that all they do is make you feel like you need more of it. Really a brilliant marketing ploy. The more you use, the more you think you need. In the same way that water can be counterintuitively drying. Over-showering, etc. Doctors or scientists who wash their hands all day will tell you all about their lizard hands (I’ve been there).
The transition away from deodorant and perfumes might be rocky at first. But your body soon becomes accustomed to no longer stuffing your very vulnerable pores with unnecessary toxins. Your sweat glands deserve the right to breathe and do their ridding thing. Plus you’ll be able to tell if you really do reek or are just not used to your own scent. Eventually you’ll know when your own smells change, as they constantly do based on diet, stress, emotions. And if you determine that you do ultimately stink!! – No better time to change up that diet than now. Rather ṭhan masking it all your life. One life to live in this body, my friends!
Not to mention that many of us regularly rid ourselves of body hair, another great sources of scents. I’m not stupid enough to knock anyone’s aesthetic choices these days, just putting it out there. Body hair is purposeful, whether pubic, underarms or limbs. It aids in temperature control and contains nearly magical elixirs for the appropriate guest.
In a moment when we are assaulted by stories of just how confused men & women are by each others’ social signals – let’s get down to the fundamentals! If we could smell each other, we’d find more suitable partners and have better sex. We’d even make better children through heightened enjoyment of sexual activity together. Sexual dissatisfaction and anxiety are major risk factors in both genders – especially women and our reproductive systems (and our unprecedented vulnerability to autoimmune disorders these days).
Last but not least, the skin is our sense organ for touch. We receive and give through this magnificent sheath of nerve endings. It gives us temperature, touch and pain! Whichever of these sensations you enjoy the most, let’s allow it to be experienced to the max!
Onward and upward to sharing more of ourselves with our most suitable companions!